Learning To Live In Death
by TakemylovedowntoVioletHill
Summary: A companion short story I created to answer any questions about what happened to Murdoc at the end of Call Me Stupid But I Did For You. What happens to Muds after he dies?


My head was fuzzy and blood roared in my ears. The white figure they called the Evangelist was hovering over me. Blood was dripping from somewhere and I looked above me into the eyes of this man, I noted faintly the discoloration.

"You have to trust me, this is the only way to save you," he breathed heavily. I weakly nodded and I watched numbly as he removed the knife protruding from his chest to stab it in mine. Pain exploded within me and I panicked.

_I didn't want this! I'm going to die!_ My vision clouded and a voice sounded within my head.

_Murdoc Faust Niccals, this is the Evangelist, don't panic please, you are going to die but this cannot be avoided. _I attempted to reply but it was fruitless, I felt something sticky and warm washing down the front of me and screaming in the background.

A girl's face was above me, a girl… wait! Noodle! I forced my mouth open, tears were pouring from her eyes, those beautiful green eyes…

"N-n-n-oods." I whispered, willing the bubbles of air and blood to form words on my lips. She looked at me and widened her eyes.

"Y-yes?" she said.

I opened my mouth to speak again and was dully amazed by how much effort it took. ""I-I-I couldn't let… 'im win… I'm sorry it had teh end like this, I love you…" I barely managed to gasp out loud.

"Muds, yew saved us." The blue-haired man said tearfully. I found that I had no more strength left and my eyes felt heavy. I closed them and exhaled softly for the last time. I opened them again to find myself standing in a white room with a younger version of me. His eyes were focused on me with intentness.

"Where am I?" I asked, panicked.

"Limbo, we'll continue on in a few moments. You did it Murdoc, you saved them."

"I can' be dead!" I said, shocked.

"But you are, not to worry though, everything's taken care of."

"Am I- am I going to 'ell?" I asked fearfully. The man laughed a healthy, happy laugh.

"Oh no no no, Murdoc, you are going back to Earth. A ghost, such is your punishment. You cannot enter Heaven with your crimes, you're erm, what's the word? _Impure_." I flinched at his choice in words.

"Where's Noodle?" I demanded.

"She's gone Murdoc." This hit me like a truck and I almost fell over. The realization hurt, I would've taken getting stabbed again any day.

"Let me see her again!" I gasped, clutching my chest. He looked at me and nodded.

"It's only fair." He whispered, and the ground fell away from my feet and I was back in the land of the dead, Noodle clutching my body and tears running down her face. She looked at me and dropped the shell of myself to come near me.

There were a million things I wanted to say to her, to scream and throw myself at her feet and declare that I didn't want anything to do with it but I knew that I had finally been beaten at my own game and the time was right to lay down my arms and stop fighting. Accepting that I was dead allowed relief to wash over me, I smiled faintly at her. "Luv," I murmured, she stood up and walked in a dreamlike manner towards me. I brought a hand to her cheek and felt the warmth and wetness of her face. . "I did this fer you. I wan' you teh know tha' I'm still 'ere fer ya an' tha' I don' wan' you gettin' lost." I said. Tears were falling freely from her face and I wanted to hold her, to cradle her and tell her that nothing bad would ever happen again. That I was going to stay forever, but I couldn't. I was dead, dying, gone. And she would live on, healthy, loving and forgetting me. The thought didn't sit well but it was a process of life that I knew had to happen. "I'm always 'ere."

I wanted to give her something, I knew she had my inverted cross; it had been flopping around her neck when she'd been running. Did I really want that to be my only tie to this earth? A mark of servitude to Satan? No, she wouldn't have to wear that thing everywhere, I wouldn't allow it. "Give meh the inverted cross luv." I said firmly. I extended my hand and she took it off with shaky fingers and dropped it into my palm. I clenched my fist around it, feeling the worn sides.

My mind opened, I came into contact with the other side. I didn't know what it was though, God?

I felt every atom inside the necklace, every movement of the electrons, I willed it to move, I felt then give way as it burned inside my hand with a cool heat. I reopened my hand and in the inverted cross's place was a little ring. She gasped and slipped the ring onto her finger. She closed those beautiful green orbs and the Evangelist allowed them to rise through the Gateway into Kong. I craned my neck back to watch her open her eyes again and watch me with broken longing until the hole got smaller and smaller.

Then it was gone.

I turned back to the younger me and sighed. The Evangelist smiled at me, "She's pregnant Murdoc." He stated. I looked at him.

"Really?" I asked. He nodded solemnly.

"Yeah… well, should we get going?" he asked. I shrugged and he grabbed my hand. "Let's go." He murmured. I felt a wave of reassurance as I felt time and space shift around me and I knew everything was going to be okay. That there was something beyond the void and it wasn't to be feared at all, only embraced.

_**January Five Years Later**_

I sat in the tree outside of Face-Ache and Noodle's house, watching my daughter play. She was so beautiful, her hair glinting so perfectly in the light. I lit a cigarette and took a drag. Her mother was inside, tending to 2D's son.

She ran around in her little dress, laughing and singing snippets of nursery rhymes. My foot slipped and I cursed a bit, her head snapped up and looked at the tree, perfectly alert. I froze, how had she heard me?

I watched her walk over to the base of the oak. "H-hullo? Is anyone there?" she asked. Her mismatched eyes squinting into the leaves.

"C-can you hear me?" I asked back.

"Of course I can hear you." She answered. I coughed on the smoke I inhaled. I moved again and this time she spied me in between the crook of two branches. "Who are you?" she asked. I sighed and decided to climb down.

She watched my every move as I dropped onto the ground. "'Ello luv." I said. She raised a little eyebrow as I crouched down to her.

"I'm Emily." She replied. I nodded.

"That's a pretty name." I stated, she nodded.

"My mum said that my dad had a sister named Emily."

I smirked at my daughter. "Yes he did." I said softly.

"Oh did you know my dad?" She said, delighted.

"I did."

"What's his name?"

"Murdoc Niccals I seem to recall."

"That's right!" she squealed. I smiled.

"In fact, yer dad said that if I saw ya to tell ya tha' he's real proud of ya Emily." I said. She blushed, looking down at her sandals.

"Really?" she asked. I nodded.

"Emily!" I looked up and saw Noodle calling from the door. My daughter turned.

"Wot mum?" she replied.

"Who're you talking to?" she asked.

Emily shrugged. "A friend." She replied.

"That's nice sweetheart, it's time for lunch though, come inside." Noods responded. I nodded when she hesitated and looked at me.

"I'll be here when you get back." I encouraged. She smiled.

"Okay!" she giggled, running off, passing Noodle. I stood up and walked to the love of my life, and death. Her eyes weren't focused on me and I knew she didn't see me as our daughter had.

"Hey Noods," I murmured, leaning down and kissing her. She didn't respond at all, not even a sign she felt my lips on hers. I pulled back and examined her, so beautiful. I watched 2D come up behind her and wind his arms around her waist, pulling her inside.

She shut the door in my face and I went back to wait for Emily to come back outside.


End file.
